A Book In 30 Days — Day 3
Chapter 1 Part 2: Ambition… What Is It? Why I DREAM…
Read part one if you missed it!
By the time I graduated highschool I had moved 10 times…
By the time I graduated I was well disillusioned of the world…
By the time I graduated with more tassels than even the Valedictorian, I had decided not to go to college…
I no longer dreamt of fun hoverbusses taking kids to school.
I stopped playing with Legos just for the fun of it.
I didnt want to just change the world.
I wanted to overrule it. I wanted to overturn the whole system. I wanted a revolution!
I had three other younger siblings now: a little sister and two more brothers. My sister was a daddy’s girl, and my two youngest brothers were (are) like twins despite being almost 4 years apart. Both were ‘accidents’… unintended and surprising, but my parents dont believe in abortion, considered it still… but just couldn’t live with such a decision.
I personally think such a decision is more responsible if you already know you’re struggling… but I dont have kids, and may have grown up salty, biased knowing how many Christmases got canceled, how many of my school achievments and activities went unattended, how much more ignored I felt, and how much more work we all had to do just to get back to a semblance of normalcy we had before.
I certainly dont despise, blame, or have any negativity for my siblings besides the normal annoyance one has with one’s sibs… I make sure to show them how awesome it is being born in this day and time; where even despite our circumstances, they can do so much cool stuff online.
I love having a big family. Everything is an adventure. It’s always lively, fun, intriguing… warm.
Im just being real in saying that things got hard(er) after they were born.
Being the eldest of 6 is a lot harder than being the eldest of 3 (my stepsisiter is 6 months older, but I was always the one known to be responsible).
I grew up fast before. But I matured straight past adolescence once they were born.
I had to.
My mom wanted to get back into school, my dad needed to work more. I was thus the one that had to wake up at 4 something or 5 in the morning to get everyone up and out to start the day.
Im still not a morning person.
I was the ‘responsible one.’ The one everyone pointed to when they wanted something done right.
Being Responsible became an identifier, a badge… a burden.
When I made (straight) A’s in my Honor’s and Gifted classes, I didnt get money or much attention like my rebellious sister when she passed her summer class. That was expected of me. I was the responsible one.
Dont get me wrong. I wasnt mistreated or actually ignored or unrewarded. I got my recognition. Just not as much.
I often felt lonely. I felt like my efforts were piontless. I felt like being a nerd and actually enjoying the rigors of learning made me too different to be relatable or understood.
I felt alone.
But of course, Ambition was there for me.
Ambition made me see that all the greatest people were misunderstood or didn’t feel like they belonged.
Ambition showed me that my recognition and awards and attention would come later… after I lived up to my potential.
So I played to my strengths.
I played up my responsibility.
I didn’t complain (much). I didn’t ask for help when I knew they had enough on their plates.
I didn’t cry when things felt unfair or scream when I got beat for something I apparently did wrong or talk back when I felt like it.
I didn’t eat when I saw we had less food or hesitate to do someone else’s chores when they forgot or ask for anything unless they practically forced me to make a Christmas list.
I did my best to be the ‘Responsible one’… to fix things around the house and help my mom without her asking and do more in school without my parents even having to think about it.
I did my best to figure out how to invent hovercars. And to do it without asking for help; without spending whatever time, money, or resources I knew my folks didn’t have.
I did my best to not be dependent on them. I did my best to not put my burdens on them. I did my best to figure out my problems on my own.
They’ll all appreciate it when I was succesful and could pay them back for all they’ve done. They’ll have time to thank me when I get us out of this mess.
And so I graduatd highschool with that mindset.
These were my self-evident truths:
- I didn’t need anybody to help me become rich.
- I shouldn’t ask people for help.
- I have to figure out my own path.
Because everyone has their own problems. Because no one cares about me, they don’t need to. I’m the Responsible One.
To be continued…
Thanks for reading! Feel free to pre-order for whatever price you want!
https://gum.co/ElijahsAmbition
Stay tuned for Day 4!!
