Breaking Point

Path of a Trillionaire —Prologue: An Intro to my Internal Struggles

Is this where I break? Is this how I break?

Forced to stop due to nothing more than my own inadequacies…

Am I inadequate?

Am I too weak or untalented or lazy… to DO... to succeed?

I dont want to get a ‘regular’ job… and I dont think I should have to… I dont think that is the way to go, not for me.

I rather do my own thing, to figure out how to make money and get to the next level doing what I want to do…

Is that so wrong?

Am I some lazy, shitty ‘millennial’ or an ‘entitled’ kid or whatever because I absolutely abhor the traditional path?...
Because I hate doing what others think I should do, not because they are right, but because they can only think on the same plane… along the same tired and broken systems in which they’ve pinned themselves on?

I dont care what people say (who aren't where I want to be)… I dont care what they think I should do and I wish for them to

STFU and get out my way…

Is that too hard to ask? Is that wrong? Is that a bad thing to say and think?

Maybe I am wrong… Maybe it's me that is wrong… that's built wrong, and grew up wrong, and learned the wrong lessons, and gained the wrong ‘skills’ and have the wrong dreams, and think the wrong things…
Maybe I am wrong.

But fuck them… fuck that… fuck what they think is right…

Let me make my own mistakes and find my own path.
Aren't we all just here to live the life we want to live, how we want to live it? As long as I am not complaining about the life I *choose* to live… no matter how hard or different or nonsensical it is to others…

Can I live? Cant I live my life?

Maybe I have no right to live…

I live with my parents and I dont pay the bills… so maybe I have no right to figure out my way on my own terms… I have no rights…. right?

That’s what society tells us… that's what people will automatically think… will defend their opinions and offend me upon…
‘Oh, you’re 22 and still living with your parents? Oh you’re obviously a lazy, ungrateful shit and have no right to do what you want… you should listen to what they say under their roof… you should be doing whatever you can to help them out…’
But of course they dont know my life… they dont know that I’ve been the ‘responsible one;’ the oldest boy and thus the one always expected and known to help out around the house the most… they dont that I do most all the chores around the house, more efficiently and consistently than all the other 5 kids here… they dont know that I walk and take care of the dog (that they wanted); that I cook/make dinner despite my abysmal cooking skills, that I do the most with the kids: ensuring they get up, get dressed, and get to school in the morning, and they do their homework, read, and eat and go to sleep on time… they dont know that I’ve been doing this consistently for as long as I can remember…
They dont know that I enjoyed being a good student in school… that I was the only one to graduate with a 4.0…. that I couldn't go to college due to their debts/credit impairing my ability to finish my fafsa on time and thus get enough aid, or even afford the steep registration/enrollment fees…. they dont know that despite that I found my first job that same summer, selling knives… that I was a great presenter, and may have been good at sales, but my network, those in our environment and circles were just as poor as us, that my failures to sell (to the wrong customers, in retrospect) severely impacted my mindset around sales.. I learned that I was incapable..that I was not good enough to stay on this nontraditional path… that despite all that I then found an opportunity to learn tech skills, as an analyst and a information security specialist and even the intro to coding…
They dont know that I was making 17 an hour… in my 2nd/3rd job ever (or really first ‘real’ job)… that I had enough to move out on my own, to climb the corporate ladder, to take on the world on my own at the age of 20, while all my highschool friends were in college, and my Year Up friends were in customer service… but all my money went back into the house… all my money went to supporting my family….
That I then went to a MasterMind event on the day my contract ended… and it was an amazing experience…That I finally began to unlearn the bad money habits and assumptions I was indoctrinated with… yet still… I was the one in the wrong… listening too much to what ‘they’ said about money… about how ‘they’ can say that about money when they had the money…. that ‘they’ and ‘the world’ and ‘society’ are trying to put all this fancy stuff in my head….

They… whoever they are … dont know that I just want to take over the world…. they dont know that all I wanna do is be at a point where I can change the world consistently… where I can ideate solutions to all sorts of problems, find the people and tools needed to execute and let them go at it… I want to build, or rather help build, or better yet lead the building of solutions…
I dont want to do one thing… I dont want to be stuck just being an engineer or a developer or a designer or a salesmen or a project manager or a CEO of a big company… or maybe not even a CEO of any companies at all…
I want to inspire, motivate, create, and push the truth.. the best things… the future.
I want to make the world, make life, fun and enjoyable and accessible to people… to as many people as possible… to all people.

I fucking hate that so many are stuck…

I hate being stuck.

Having to live in my parents house and hear my dad obsess about not having enough money for this or that… about paying this bill and that bill… about this struggle and that struggle… about ‘cant’ do this or ‘cant’ do that…
Watching my siblings fail to grow and to be ambitious and to figure things out for themselves because they buy into this environment of ‘cant cant cant’… because they are sold into this reality of disadvantage and money-based value and being defined by failure and poverty… I fucking hate this.

Its hard… getting to 0.

Preparing to just get from 0 to 1… getting out of and getting rid of this poverty mindset.
Its hard… unlearning the bullshit that made me think it was okay to be a professional student, when what I really wanted to do was be out there changing the world…
Its hard… figuring out how to do something that nobody around you is doing or even want to do.. or even understand. Walking down a path, and making your bed in waters that others see as too deep and dangerous… Too different from the traditional message and vision sold to them…

Its hard.

But GOTdammit I love it… I love that challenge, despite how much Im pulling my hair out and screaming madly and falling into depression… I rather struggle doing this than those 4 months I spent in my first real corporate job messing with spreadsheets for 17 and hour… or even my first internship learning under truly great and inspirational people.

And getting a ‘regular’ job won't help me figure that out either… worrying about how to make my life more comfortable: buying my own car, my own phone, my own dinner dates and movie nights with my girl, buying fresh clothes and dope shoes and new gadgets…

buying luxuries won’t help me feel fulfilled.

So why would I go get a job when I care not for all those things people get jobs for? Why cant I just focus on finding my stride and my path and my passion? Why not just take full advantage of this opportunity and privilege of living in my parents house with no real expenses to find myself?

I know how to work already… I know how to struggle… I know how to survive… I’ve done that all my life… I’ve been raised and surrounded and drowned in a community of people stuck in this survival mentality…

I dont want to survive. I want to live.

I just want to live.

Can I do that?