It hurts when I’m right.

Talking to Myself for a Change in Mindset

6 min readJul 14, 2018

It Hurts to see my ideas executed in real life by other people.

Yet it feels so good to be proven right.. To be validated.

Yet it hurts even more to feel like they didn’t do it quite right.. That only if they added this or that it would have been better.

So I’m going to do my best to share my more ambitious ideas publicly. It’s a waste and a delusion to keep them to myself in fear that someone will steal or even work to block them before I get a chance to execute on them. More worth it to show the world that I predicted this or had that idea before anyone else.

But it’s not just ideas.. Not just about technology…

Advice to my family

I suppose it may have started with me often suggesting my folks to do this or that. To save instead of going ‘out to eat' or to some somewhat pricy park that won’t really be more fun than what we could conjure up at home.

I remember harping on how much of a waste it is to by a cheap used car but being told how you just Have to have a car… (one of the many reasons why I grew to hate the damn things).

Of course I was right. Of course those cars broke down and ended up costing more over time as it would have cost to just save until they could get a new one…

Of course those extra ‘luxury’ expenses came back to bite us as bills, and then as late fees after we couldn’t pay those bills…

Of course those fucking Cable and phone companies tacked on more fees; even after I told them that we didn’t really need more TV, years before cord-cutting became a thing…

But perhaps all of that was just the ignorant, naive words of a kid who didn’t see the struggle to at least pretend life wasn’t so bad as their paltry paychecks and bad credit dictated.

It hurt to be right because I could only give solutions to the problems I was allowed to see… I wasn’t old enough or resourceful enough to be told the full scope. So perhaps my being right simply wasn’t much…

Self Confidence

I tend to hesitate… like All the time.

When stating my opinions, in conversations, while driving, and any other time I have to make decisions.

I know it’s a crippling weakness…

It’s especially apparent in my purchasing decisions… I’m indicisive when buying things, particularly for myself or with someone else’s money. I second and fifth guess myself… wondering if Im getting the right thing. The right brand or even texture of the item… I wonder if I should be looking for deals more, or just go with the implied high quality high cost items…

I sometimes miss my moment due to this self doubt.

Like in Forex, where I may be right about where the chart is going, but wait a bit too long to place my trade and thus miss it…

I suppose it all stemmed from learning to not ask questions, to not interrupt people and to wait my turn. I kind of took that literally in every facet of life.

But in life you often can’t wait, not for long. More importantly, in life you have to take your turn. You have to grab people’s attention and earn their respect and chase your dreams.

I’m learning that now.. Finally.. With the help of my wonderful woman and my own desire to be better, I’m learning how to make a decision, any decision, and respond accordingly. Because waiting and hesitating and doubting yourself only leaves you on the back foot. You’re always just going to be reacting to everyone and everything else. Even if you have the fastest reaction time.. You’ll still miss the initiative.. You’ll still act after the event already triggered.

And so I’m learning to be proactive. To respond not as a reaction, but as a prediction in response to the signs and the trends and the ideas that lead to an event.

Turns out, I can still think through and consider all manner of scenarios that usually cause me to hesitate.. But as historical analysis and potential risk or reward, instead of present and future what-ifs.

I can do my thinking beforehand instead of at the moment I should be taking action.

The present is not the time to think about what might happen if you make this decision. If you’re on time you’re late and if you’re late your dead.

So think early. Set yourself up such that the actual decision was already made by the time the event happens.

If you’re Too early, you’re just spectating, likely to have high risk and uncertain reward..

If you’re reacting to the market, you’ve already missed much of the reward.

And if you’re late.. Don’t even bother. Don’t waste the time or energy on a decision that’s already been invalidated. Just sit tight and plan for the next one.

So yeah.. Forex is teaching me a lot about my self confidence.

I’m gaining confidence to not just make decisions… But follow through with them as well.

Predicting behaviors

Likely due to my own lack of confidence, I tend to read into what others want or how they act instinctively. I’ve always felt I was a bit empathic… that I had a higher sense of emotional intelligence than average. And I’ve worked to foster it for years now.

Thus it was relatively easy for me to guess how others would react to various scenarios. I used to try to warn people proactively… That they should not put themselves in certain situations or around certain people because they will almost certainly not be able to control themselves… Even with myself, I know not to even bother talking to certain people because I know they will only frustrate me.

But people often ‘need’ to have their own negative experiences before they can learn to avoid such things proactively.

I guess that’s why I tend to float into management roles despite my desire to build things… because it offers me both the authority to steer people away from trouble, and the landscape to constantly learn how to communicate ideas better.

Scientific concepts

Even in the natural world… With atoms and physics and chemicals, I’ve had several concepts that turned out to be actually accurate.

Most of it stemmed from just being curious enough to actually research about various aspects of nature.

From aerodynamics to electromagnetics to relativity to quantum physics and more… if it happens to peak my interest I’d dive into its depths to learn why it works that way.

Today, I often ponder the structure of the universe, and how I think it would be worth it to develop a visual, interactive explanation for physics other than maths… we don’t see the world as numbers, we see objects. One day I’ll explain all of science in terms of objects the average person can understand and manipulate to better respect and question the world around them.