Sharing is Caring… for myself…

Fighting the Gray with the #blogumentary

Im sitting here staring at the screen blankly…

I keep putting my hands on the keyboard and coming up with interesting things to say and talk more about…

I keep yelling at myself for not finishing or actually starting on the last couple of detailed, likely long-form blogs that I (thought I) really wanted to do…

My eyes keep long-blinking and my head keeps lolling to the side…

My body feels so ‘down’ and drained of energy…

My mind feels slow and frazzled and scattered and grey…

I feel as if nothing matters anymore.. that its all pointless and that Im just a failure.

I feel like Im not talented or driven or resourceful or useful enough…

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And today wasnt even a bad day… I helped my grandfather out, ideate some marketing strategy stuff for the startup.. and most importantly got to spend a lot of time with my SO.

But as soon as she left the impotence of my current position just crashing down…

Gah… hate feeling like this … I suppose thats why Im actually sharing these thoughts and feelings despite how stupid and worthless and whiny and embarrassed I feel about it..

I rather talk through my feelings… put em all ‘on the table’ and at least try for a solution than to let them fester inside of me, driving me back to that beautifully dangerous seductress that is Depression…

I rather be embarrassed and make a fool of myself than let myself fall back into depression.

And this is helping… this regurgitation of feelings does indeed help haha…

Feels like Im exfoliating the pale cast of negative thoughts from my countenance hehe…

Great stuff… I feel tired too… but I dont want to sleep.. I want to work on my projects and make up for all the lost time due to my own inconsistency.

But I know full well how my body works… Best to rest up now and go hard tomorrow.

Thanks so much for reading and witnessing my ‘weakness’ … my vulnerabilities.. heh.

This is the sort of thing I want to talk in-depth about with a community on my Patreon… but I suppose that will be a long long while. Got a lot of work to put in to build that up.

For now, thanks again for coming along this #pathofatrillionaire journey.